Relationships alone are not enough – happiness requires a holistic perspective

Relationships are important but not miracles

Good relationships are crucial to well-being. A long-term Harvard study with that message , the New York Times recently highlighted . The research supports it. People with warm, stable relationships live longer and happier lives, on average. Isolation, on the other hand, can be as harmful as smoking. More time with family and friends actually increases happiness levels , more than many external changes, according to a recent analysis by psychologist Julia Rohrer's team. But does this mean that our relationships have to be perfect?

We can be happy despite – or sometimes thanks to – life's flaws, say happiness researchers such as Sonja Lyubomirsky and Julia Rohrer. A conflict-free dream life is not the most important thing, but a sense of belonging. Even ordinary relationships with their ups and downs contribute greatly to our well-being. Small gestures like a chat with a neighbor or a cup of coffee with a friend can bring bursts of happiness, even if not every moment is rosy. The ability to forgive imperfections in oneself and others is closely linked to psychological well-being. As Jesus taught – not to judge but to forgive – seems to benefit us. People who forgive experience less stress, more joy and better relationships . In short: Relationships are a cornerstone of happiness, but they don't have to be perfect to be beneficial.

Reassurance beats medicine for the psyche

Relationships alone don't solve everything. Material and financial security also play a role in our well-being. A Swedish study led by Alain Topor gave around a hundred vulnerable people with mental illness an extra 500 kronor a month for nine months. The result? Symptoms of anxiety and depression decreased noticeably. As an added bonus, the need for inpatient care also dropped significantly among the participants. Topor concludes that some problems we call mental can actually be social. Sometimes money can be as important as pills . Extra financial security – even if only a few hundred kronor – had an effect comparable to medication for these people.

This study ties into a larger insight: insecurity and poverty take a toll on mental health. Many people feel better when their basic needs are met. It’s not about greed or luxury, but about avoiding constant stress over rent and food. “Money can’t buy happiness,” the saying goes – but basic financial security can eliminate unhappiness caused by chronic stress.

A reasonable level of financial security also improves how we feel and behave towards each other. Not only do we become more satisfied with life, but it also makes it easier to have and maintain good relationships.

Equality also benefits the rich

In addition to individual security, social research shows that equality in general is key to people's well-being. Researchers Richard Wilkinson and Kate Pickett showed in their book The Spirit of Equality that the degree of inequality in society affects how we feel mentally and physically, how long we live and even how much we trust each other in society. Everyone benefits from smaller gaps – even the rich . According to Wilkinson, even the well-off in society are healthier and live longer in economically equal societies. Conversely, even those at the top pay a price for too large gaps, in the form of poorer health and increased social unrest.

The explanation lies in the fact that inequality creates stress and psychological insecurity. Large differences can lead to increased status-seeking and fear of slipping down, which eats away at the soul. In more equal environments, people feel safer. This lowers many people's levels of anxiety and depression. A more even distribution of resources correlates with fewer mental health problems and higher perceived happiness, international comparisons show. Even for those who are well off materially, it is therefore smart to protect equality. A society with small gaps benefits everyone's well-being.

Balance between joy and rest

The formula for happiness is not complete without balance in everyday life . Humans need both activity and recovery, both stimulation and peace. In today's society, many people are running at full speed – work, screens, duties – while recovery is neglected. The parasympathetic nervous system, our built-in "calm and quiet system", is mainly activated when we rest . If we never give ourselves a break, the body does not get a chance to repair and recharge. This increases the risk of stress-related ill health.

Fortunately, research points to simple remedies: micro-breaks . Regular mini-breaks during the workday – to stretch our legs, breathe deeply or chat briefly with a colleague – can significantly increase our well-being and improve the work climate. Workplaces that encourage recovery have a more energetic and healthy workforce. Taking a break is not laziness, but an investment in health.

At the same time, we need positive stimulation. The brain has a reward system . There, the neurotransmitter dopamine plays the main role in creating feelings of pleasure and motivation. When dopamine flows when we achieve success or have a wonderful experience, we feel happiness and desire. We want to repeat what gave us the high . But the dopamine rush is short-lived. The brain gets used to it and soon chases the next high.

We get a more lasting happiness effect via oxytocin , sometimes called the “love hormone”. We secrete oxytocin when we are close, have friendly bonds, are touched and are caring . The hormone gives us a feeling of calm trust and warmth. The hormone makes us more harmonious, less sensitive to stress and creates a “we” with others. Here we see how biology confirms the importance of relationships – oxytocin is the thread that weaves social security in our brain.

To feel good, we need to balance dopamine hunting with oxytocin joy and time for recovery. This can involve alternating achievements at work with short breaks, exercise with sleep, and socializing with personal time. A clear circadian rhythm where you sleep when it's night and are active during the day helps a lot. It causes the body to synchronize hormones and the nervous system. The bottom line: just the right doses of work, play, love and rest provide the best foundation for well-being.

Acceptance of life's imperfection

Despite all the strategies and insights, we cannot escape one basic fact: Life is not a constant happy journey. On the contrary, Buddha stated over 2,500 years ago that life inevitably contains a lot of suffering. Paradoxically, accepting this can make life easier. If we stop fighting every ounce of discomfort and instead say “okay, sometimes life is hard” , we reduce the pressure to always feel at our best. If we can accept that the world involves a certain amount of suffering – to paraphrase Buddha – then maybe life will become a little easier.

This acceptance does not mean giving up on happiness, but rather stopping chasing unattainable perfection . Jesus emphasized something similar in his teaching about forgiveness and non-judgment. No human being is perfect. Judging ourselves or others harshly for life’s imperfections mostly leads to shame and stress. Instead, we can practice forgiving our own and others’ shortcomings. If we fall sometimes – fine, get up and move on. Research supports this view: those who are self-compassionate and forgiving of themselves handle adversity better and feel better mentally. Forgiving means letting go of resentment and self-criticism – a liberation that lightens the heart.

Through a Buddhist realization that suffering exists and a Christian reminder to forgive imperfection, we can lower our shoulders. Life becomes less of a competition for happiness and more of a journey of ups and downs. Strangely enough, this surrender to the pursuit of perfection can give rise to a deeper, calmer joy. Then we can experience the kind of peace of mind that comes from being good enough, despite everything.

Dare to fail – to succeed

In a culture that celebrates success, the fear of failure can be paralyzing. But there are signs of a countertrend: failing your way to success . More and more pioneers in both business and personal development are emphasizing the value of mistakes. Nobody is perfect. If you do your best, you will more often succeed in the long run. In the meantime, you learn from the times when things go wrong. Few success stories are straightforward. What seems like a defeat today may turn out to be the bedrock of something great tomorrow.

Organizations and people thrive when they dare to fail. Societies and workplaces that encourage learning from mistakes often succeed better. Creativity thrives more easily when you can experiment freely without shame. Those who achieve true success know that pitfalls are actually stepping stones: failure is the path to the goal . The key is a culture of compassion . We need to treat ourselves and each other with care even when we stumble. This reduces the shame that otherwise prevents us from trying again.

Think of all the innovations that were born from mistakes – penicillin was discovered by chance, Post-it notes too. Or personal insights: a failed relationship can teach us what we really need. A failed project can give us ideas for something new. By daring to fail, we unleash creativity. We realize that a defeat is not a permanent failure for us as individuals, but a temporary event to learn from. Shame decreases when we normalize that no one succeeds all the time. What remains is curiosity: What can I try next?

Happiness in the moment and the meaning of life

The truth is that perfect happiness only exists in moments. We can’t walk around in a constant euphoric state – and that’s okay. Emotions come and go like the weather; our inner selves oscillate between joy and sadness throughout the day , often unpredictably. Those peaks of happiness are lovely when they come, but they are just peaks . No mountaintops, just valleys in between.

Instead of desperately trying to stay at the top, we can focus on the journey. Striving to do the best we can every day— without demanding perfection—gives life direction and meaning. The perfect choice rarely exists, but we can do the best we can. Several experts believe that the satisfaction we get from acting in line with our values , contributing to something meaningful, and developing as people outweighs fleeting feelings of happiness. Doing our best gives us a deeper kind of satisfaction, even if we don’t always succeed . It’s about feeling that life, with all its imperfections, is still rich and worth the effort.

And perhaps it is this very attitude that paradoxically opens the door to more moments of happiness? When we let go of the demand for constant happiness, we become more present in the present. Then we can experience more genuine joy when it does appear, no matter how brief. We learn to appreciate the small moments: a ray of sunshine on a cold morning, a laugh with a colleague, the smell of coffee. These moments are the golden edges of life.

Community and security over perfect feeling

Happiness thus turns out to be fleeting . No one can feel one hundred percent happy all the time. Our mental health can fluctuate over time. In light of this, surrounding factors become all the more important. A society cannot leave happiness solely to the individual's inner "mindset" . If we know that good relationships, secure finances, fair conditions, balance in life and a permissive attitude make people feel and function better, then the focus should be on creating the conditions for this.

Strong social security systems and safety nets are part of it. When life is uncertain (as it will be for all of us at some point), it is crucial to have support available – from friends, family and society. Those who have a network of community and a basic sense of security are less likely to fall as hard when disaster strikes. As research has shown, something as tangible as stable financial support can make the difference between despair and hope.

Likewise, a climate of acceptance in society can reduce collective stress. If we don't have to pretend that everything is perfect, we feel better. Dare to talk about feeling bad sometimes, to normalize that life has difficult chapters, creates a sense of community: you are not alone . That in itself promotes happiness – to belong, with your whole self.

The search for that perfect inner feeling of happiness is less fruitful than we think. Instead, we find the keys to how we can feel good in a holistic perspective: human closeness, social and economic security, fair opportunities, balance in everyday life, and an acceptance of life's inevitable downfalls. Then no one needs to be alone with the demand to force happiness . Happiness can come as a guest – often unexpectedly – ​​in moments when we live meaningfully and take care of each other. And when it does, if only for a moment at a time, that's enough. Maybe that's what a good life really is.